I still have no idea of how these blogs will be received however for me the book NVC (see previous post) has given me insights on how I communicate. I can see how diagnosing, labeling, and being judgmental has alienated me from better connecting; PLUS I think it spawns a lack of inside peacefulness. (that’s difficult to explain, sorry)
Chapter Two is about opening ourselves to be able to be compassionate and open to connecting with others. The author explains how growing up that I, and others, learned to communicate without revealing what was going on inside myself.
Author’s Example: When I encountered people or behavior that I either didn’t like or didn’t understand, I would react in terms of their wrongness. If my teachers assigned a task I didn’t to do, they were ” mean” or “unreasonable“.
Example #2 If my partner wants more affection than I’m willing to give her, she is “needy and dependent“. But if I want more affection than she is giving me, then she is “aloof and insensitive”.
Example #3 If my colleague is more concerned about details than I am, he is “picky and compulsive“. On the other hand, if I am more concerned about details than he is, he is”sloppy and disorganized“.
The author’s goal to communicate is that all such analyses of other human beings by ourselves are tragic expressions of our own values and needs.
When I read this chapter I learned how when I use comparison, or judgement I block awareness of others.
I had to read this chapter twice because it was such an important concept to learn. I saw myself in this chapter and realize that this book will likely require a second reading because it cracks open life long habits. Fortunately in the subsequent chapters the author does a wonderful job of showing the reader how AND what to do to in order to allow positive, clear and productive communication in all types of situations.
I hope you can see how and why I am sharing about this book, NVC.